Richie Sexson’s Invisible 2nd Head Gets Hit; Charges Mound

If the M’s and the San Francisco Giants were to play right now you would see the scores read -4 to -2 in favor of the Giants. Seattle just got off a series loss to the TEXAS RANGERS…remember, the horrible team? In their 3 losses they put up a whopping one run, and Richie Sexson gets into a fight.

What Paul Silvi won’t tell you is that Sexson has an invisible 2nd head. While his other head was 2 miles away from the pitch, his other head crept out and got whacked. He took exception, started the fight, got tossed, M’s lose.

What did I tell you guys about calling Seattle sports teams contenders?

 

Cavaliers Allergic to Scoring Points

Photo from Sportsline.com

The Cleveland Cavaliers are going to get swept unless they can score some points. Zydrunas Ilgauskas was the only Cavaliers player who took a minimum of 5 shots and made more than he missed. In 2 games, Cleveland has put up a grand total of 145 points, which the Warriors can put up in 3 quarters.

This is exactly what happens when it’s only LeBron James carrying you most of the season and you don’t do anything consistently. Last night was a disgrace. Cleveland had a 21-9 lead in the first quarter, they were hitting shots left and right and the Celtics were turning the ball over and missing easy baskets. How do you lose by 16 points and only put up 73?

It’s not the Celtics defense (okay, some of it is), because the Hawks were able to drop 100 on them twice before their game 7 implosion, but it’s the Cavaliers slow down everything offense that will lose them the series. These are  typical Cleveland possessions with the ball inbounded at full court:

Inbounds pass to James, passes it to Gibson, Ilgauskas on the low posts catches Gibson’s pass, takes 6 seconds to back in on Garnett, travels.

Inbounds pass to Szczerbiak, West is open in the corner, finds James at the top of the key, James drives to the basket with 4 defenders around him. James then puts up a wild pass that scurries out of bounds, turnover.

Inbounds to West, James handles it with :17 on the shot clock, gets it to Wallace, back out to James with :09, puts up a three, hits the backboard.

They are just terrible in trying to be fast paced. LeBron has been pathetic in this series, the Celtics are just ripping him limb from limb. The free throws aren’t working, Wally Szczerbiak is about as reliable a defender as Ben Wallace is a free throw shooter in crunch time. Mike Brown has a disaster on his hands, and when the offseason comes along, draft some BETTER players for James, and sign or trade for BETTER veterans for James, like the Lakers got Pau Gasol and drafted Jordan Farmar. What has happened? The Lakers are a BETTER team, Kobe has BETTER teammates (Kwame Brown is gone is what I’m trying to say here).

Cleveland now is in a position where they can’t afford to lose anymore, because they have proven to me, they can’t play a full 48 minutes on the road, and they flat out cannot shoot when it matters.

 

Jim Livengood Should Think About That Last Name

Is he Livenbad now? Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

http://www.sportsline.com/collegebasketball/story/10816531

 

Columbus Crew Fans Are Lame

I know what you’re thinking….yes, the MLS teams in the US do have fans. The Columbus Crew fans apparently don’t want to cross the border for their match against Toronto FC on May 17th.

It’s understandable, you have to have a passport and everything. Some of these guys have families to take care of and schedule conflicts. Oh yeah, and the Crew have the lowest attendance in the MLS on average.

But you mean to tell me you could not find 55 Crew fans to go to Toronto to support their team? Via Crewture:

Attention all Crew fans, I recently received an e-mail from the Crew Union that stated the bus trip to Toronto was cancelled due to lack of interest! What the heck is my only response! Those Canadians come all the way to OUR HOUSE and we don’t even have the guts to return the favor! Only 18 seats out of 55 were sold!!

Which is weird, because here are the Toronto fans in Columbus.

That’s 2,500 TFC fans for ya….what’s the problem Columbus?

 

Rejected NBA Slogans

I’m really annoyed by the NBA slogans they keep giving out. I’m talking about the ones like “The NBA, where caring happens.” All it is is sticking a random word in between where and happens. Well I’ve dug deep, found a crumpled up piece of paper with the Where (Word) Happens slogans that did not make the cut.

1. The NBA, where a certain commissioner wants to badly to move a team away from a city happens.
2. The NBA, where snooze-inducing playoff games happens.
3. The NBA, where the Spurs and Pistons happens.
4. The NBA, where Craig Sager’s outfits happens.
5. The NBA, where Doug Collins stuttering all over the place and confusing himself happens.
6. The NBA, where Mike Tirico’s never ending Soulja Boy bashing happens.
7. The NBA, where seniors like Greg Oden can play happens.
8. The NBA, where Kobe Bryant lighting the Utah Jazz on fire happens.
9. The NBA, where Ira Newble happens.
10. The NBA, where WWE, featuring Marvin Williams and Rajon Rondo happens.
11. The NBA, where Reggie Miller disregarding the English language happens.
12. The NBA, where George Karl can stay after another failed season while Mike D’Antoni and Avery Johnson are fired happens.
13. The NBA, where T-Mac’s imminent surgery during the offseason happens.
14. THE NBA, WHERE STEPHEN A. SMITH HAPPENS!!!!!!!!
15. And finally…..The NBA, where Larry Brown can get a coaching job whenever and wherever the heck he wants to happens.

 

Chuck Swirsky to the Bulls; Wayne Larrivee Out

It’s a bit of a surprising move, as the Chicago Bulls have let go of play-by-play man Wayne Larrivee and analyst Tom Dore. Larrivee’s replacement has been announced already (Neil Funk), and it’s Chuck Swirsky of the Toronto Raptors doing the radio commentary. It seemed to be an easy call to hire Swirsky because he is a Chicago native, and he is willing to take a pay cut.

Via the Globe and Mail:

Swirsky said he is taking a pay cut to accept the Chicago job - “leaving money on the table.”

Sources say Swirsky was making more than $300,000 a year with the Raptors. When income from his job as host of The Fan 590 afternoon radio show is included, he was earning more than $400,000 a year.

Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment, the company that owns the Raptors, received a call last Thursday from the Bulls asking permission to talk to Swirsky about an opening that had come up.

In a shakeup, the Bulls TV voices Wayne Larrivee and Tom Dore were let go, and Neil Funk promoted from radio to take over the TV job. That left a vacancy in radio.

“One thing led to another,” Swirsky said. “And then it became official [on Monday]. The Bulls are a great franchise, but his was all about getting back into a situation and I need to listen to my family.”

MLSE chief operating officer Tom Anselmi called Swirsky’s departure a “shocker” and huge loss for the NBA club and the fans.

“Aside from being a great play-by-play guy, he was a great ambassador,” Anselmi said.

The 10 year veteran of Raptors broadcasting is over for Swirsky. I’ve heard him on the CBC before and I think the Bulls have got a very good, enthusiastic, and knowledgeable guy in their hand.

Larrivee leaving the Bulls will probably make it much easier to him to work on Packers games on the radio as well as basketball and football games on the Big Ten Network.
I’m thinking of some possible candidates for the Raptors job that work for ESPN since TSN broadcasts most of their games.

Mark Jones, he is Canadian after all and is a good basketball announcer.

John Saunders, another Canadian who presents and announces NBA and college basketball games.

Pretty sad to see Swirsky go, he is like a staple of Toronto sports and now they are looking for a new guy to come in.

 

Red Sox Simply Amazed With Wang

 

ESPN U Announcer Talks About What is Gay

ESPN U announcer….actually, I have no idea who is announcing here but it’s funny. A Northern Illinois receiver dropped a pass, so the analyst is going on and on about catching the ball with your hands. He says that the hands are tender, and can caress the ball. The next comment by the pbp man gets him a suspension.

I love the silence that ensues before he says “4th and 9″. The producer must have fainted.

 

Kobe Bryant Denied MVP

Out of nowhere, this very similar player who averaged the same number of points as Kobe Bryant, wins his first ever MVP award.

Kobr Bryant?! Wow, that’s a surprise.

 

Memorable Day in the NFL; Kid Stops Wearing Favre Shirt

In a week where Marvin Harrison is possibly shooting people, Michael Boley and Cedric Benson are arrested, Rashard Mendenhall is robbed at gunpoint, and Fred Davis doesn’t wake up in time for camp, this story will cancel out all of those other stories.

David Whitthoft, a 12 year old from Ridgefield, Connecticut, has stopped wearing his now faded Brett Favre shirt after 1581 days. He’s been wearing it since he was 7 years old! Now it barely reaches his torso. Via the Green Bay Press Gazette:

Twelve-year-old David Witthoft wore a red Nike shirt to school on April 24.

It’s significant because on each of the previous 1,581 days, Witthoft wore the Brett Favre jersey he received as a gift for Christmas 2003 when he was just 7.

“His last day wearing the jersey was April 23, which was his 12th birthday,” Chuck Witthoft, David’s father, said from their Ridgefield, Conn., home on Monday. “It was tough for him for awhile but now that he’s 12, he is a little more concerned about his appearance. And the jersey barely came down to his beltline.”

David Witthoft gained national attention in 2005 when it was disclosed that he wore his Favre jersey every day since it was given to him at Christmas 2003. He gave radio, newspaper and television interviews about the streak. He also received a card from the now-former Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre.

He and his family flew to Green Bay when the Packers took on the Detroit Lions in December and also will attend the Sept. 8 game when the Packers retire Favre’s No. 4. The Packers announced Favre’s decision to retire on March 4.

“Dave was pretty upset when Favre retired,” his father said. “But we knew we had to figure out an end game. He finally decided it was time.”

Yes you may be thinking that it’s disgusting, but his mother washed it every other day so it’s fine. A truly heart-warming story…..sorry, I can’t finish this post…it’s so….incredible (breaks down in tears).

Mr. Madden, you’re up next…..

 

To Dick Stockton: Retire

Dick Enberg and Dick Stockton have a lot in common. They both have the same first names, have covered basketball, the Super Bowl (Stockton commentates for the international viewers, GASP!), NCAA Tournament games…..and they are 278 years old.

Last month I called for Enberg to retire because well….his senility is not meant for the sweet 16.

Dick Stockton, come on down!

I beg of you to retire because it’s quite clear your announcing skills have eroded from your days at CBS, when you didn’t have to do boring 76-72 NBA games, but 176-172 games. Your player recognition is horrible, and last night took the cake.

“Sasha Varejao is in the game for the Cavaliers….excuse me….Sasha Pavlovic.”

Cleveland could’ve used the new player combination because Sasha is a good shooter and Varejao is tall. Still, that’s an inexcusable mistake to make. Stockton also said that the Celtics/Cavaliers did not disappoint. That’s right, a game in which LeBron James, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen went a combined 4-36, we had a GREAT game. Maybe it’s the director telling him what to say, but I doubt it.

He constantly makes factual errors, which is bad because you’re supposed to have the stat sheet with you. I mean, it’s not like Mike Fratello is helping him either.

“Remember, Boston still has fouls to give.” - MF

“One foul to give for the Celtics.” - DS

Stockton’s other big problem is that he stumbles way too often and has no idea what is going on. I’m at home, sitting on the couch and I know what happened on a play.

“Ahead to Pavlovic……and he is……..fouled.”

Just do that 50 times and you have Dick Stockton in a nutshell. TNT should cease using him from calling playoff games and at least get someone like Kevin Calabro (Sonics announcer) or somebody who has some free time.

Whether it’s football, basketball, baseball, Mr. Stockton, you are dangerously reaching Pat Summerall senility and need to be removed from the broadcasting booth.

 

Papa John’s to the Cavaliers: You’re Welcome…er..Sorry

The Wizards/Cavaliers rivalry…is not much of a rivalry considering Cleveland has torn apart the Wiz 3 years in a row in the postseason. There has been constant trash talking from players like DeShaun Stevenson and Brendan Haywood, mainly about LeBron James, the overrated crybaby actor.

Well Papa John’s Pizza get into the act. In game 6, the final game of the series, the horrible pizza chain decided it was an absolutely great idea to give Wizards fans t-shirts that had James’ number on there and the word “crybaby”.

You watched the game, the Wizards are now golfing with Charles Barkley.

Cleveland to Get 23 Cent Pizzas - ESPN.com

So PJP apologized to Cleveland and the Cavaliers for the gesture, and will ask for forgiveness via selling lare, one-topping pizzas for 23 cents on Thursday to all Cleveland residents, as well as donating $10,000 to the Cavaliers Youth Fund.

Moral of the Story: A player’s great performance when being the subject of mockery can get an entire city cheap pizzas.

 

Marvin Williams is Public Enemy Number One in Boston

Words cannot describe how badly the Atlanta Hawks looked and played at Boston yesterday. If the Celtics were not as generous the Hawks probably would have scored 54-58 points.

The big story of the game however was Rajon Rondo’s drive to the basket…oh yeah, and Marvin Williams decided to go with the piledriver.

That is a totally inexcusable act and if it was not for the fact that their season was over, I would’ve suspended him for at least 3 games. Luckily Rondo was not seriously hurt and the Celtics continued to pound Atlanta into the ground.

In other news: The Washington Wizards call Rajon Rondo a sissy.

 

Wake Up Martin Tyler

It’s an oldie but a goodie. Legendary soccer commentator Martin Tyler has to be asleep when he makes this goal call of Wayne Rooney’s fantastic goal against Newcastle 3 years ago.

ROONEY!!!!!!

Judging by the crowd noise however it sounds like Tyler and analyst Robbie Earle were commentating from a studio…..but it’s still funny.

 

A True Act of Sportsmanship

I want to turn your heads away from the NBA playoffs and some guy named Buzz for a moment and bring you a beautiful story that happened 2 days ago, a perfect example of sportsmanship at any level.

Sara Tucholsky, a senior right fielder for Western Oregon, a Division II softball side, had a .151 career batting average. With 2 runners on base, she hit a 3 run blast in the 2nd inning to give her side a 4-2 lead over Central Washington, and a trip to the playoffs was in sight. This was Tucholsky’s first home run of her career, and a wonderful moment for her and her teammates. She forgot to touch the first base bag, as the rules say you have to touch all bases for the home run to count. As she turned and went back to touch first base, the unthinkable happened. Tucholsky collapsed with a knee injury. She was forced to crawl back to first, but at this point, it looked like her lone home run would only count as a single because Western Oregon would need a substitute runner.

The umpire said rules do not allow her teammates to carry her around the bases, there was nothing they could do.

Of all things, her opponents wanted to help. The star player for Central Washington, Mallory Holtman (and all time HR leader for the Great Northwest Athletic Conference), asked the umpire if they could carry her around the bases to have her home run count.

The magic of loopholes, nothing in the rulebook about that. Holtman and her teammate Liz Wallace picked up Tucholsky and they had their home run walk. She touched the bases with her good led and the home run did count, many people in the stands were in tears seeing such a great act of sportsmanship.
“In the end, it is not about winning and losing so much,” Holtman said. “It was about this girl. She hit it over the fence and was in pain and she deserved a home run.” - Quote from KOMO TV

The umpire definitely didn’t study his NCAA rulebook though. Central Washington coach Gary Frederick clarified with the umpiring supervisor, and NCAA rules DO allow a substitute player to run for an injured player after a home run.

That doesn’t matter now, not only did the home run win the game (neither team scored the rest of the way), Western Oregon are now in the Division II softball playoffs.

Holtzman and Taylor were interviewed yesterday on ESPN’s First Take, and are certainly worthy of gaining some notoriety. Take lesson in this, they didn’t care that they were losing, they cared that Tucholsky got credit for what is likely her only home run of her career.

Unbelievable Moment Stuns Crowd at Softball Game - KOMO TV