Stupid Sideline Questions #1

Here is one example of a stupid question that a reporter actually asked, and how I would respond to it.

Reporter talking to Washington Redskins QB Doug Williams, after his Super Bowl win against the Denver Broncos: How long have you been a black quarterback?

How I would respond: Well, when I was 7, I started playing football as a white quarterback. Then once I was 15, I decided to play as an Asian quaterback. So I’d say I’ve been a black QB for 6 years. Every 7 years or so, I change my race and skin color, so I’ll be a white quarterback again in a couple of years.

You shouldn’t even remotely answer that question in the 1st place, but just for the sake of humor, I’m responding to it anyway. This is what this site was for, a bunch of media people asking questions so stupid if not obvious, that a smart-alec answer is the only way to make these people realize what they just asked.

The one question I hate, is “What went through your mind after scoring that winning touchdown?”

My response: Mashed potatoes, algebra problems, how to simplify rational expressions, the butterflies, stuff like that.

See what I mean? Of course you’ll feel happy that you scored the winning touchdown, it’s natural. Which is why it irritates me when I hear that question in sports or the news. If you just put in a little bit of logic, and a sense of humor with it, you’ll answer those questions in a way that that particular person will never ask you dumb questions again.

Warriors choke like President Bush on a pretzel

Photo of a balding Jason Richardson patting his fellow bald teammate Baron Davis was taken by Harry How from Getty Images.

Jazz 127 Warriors 117 OT (Uta 2-0): I’m pretty sure the folks in Utah were saying “SEE!? I told you the power of prayer works!”. Our 1st OT game of the playoffs was a thriller, as the Jazz rallied from 5 down in the final 1:30 of the game, to tie it with 2 seconds on a Deron Williams jumper. What the Warriors did was a crime, you can’t self destruct like that, you get paid millions of dollars to make free throws, and not turn the ball over. I don’t get paid to write this stuff, nor when I play basketball (and miss free throws and turn the ball over). Baron Davis and Mickael Pietris missed a combined 3 out of 4 free throws, had Pietris made both free throws, this series would likely be tied at 1-1. The fact that the Jazz are up 2-0 instead of down 2-0 tells me that they’ll win this series and advance to the conference finals. Besides, the Jazz don’t have a chance against the Spurs or Suns anyway.

Also: Gas prices have hit $4 a gallon in some areas of California. I think they should start naming these gas stations around the term Fat Wallet.