The Dolphins Apparently Won

 

The NFL has confirmed that the Miami Dolphins actually defeated a professional football franchise. A 22-16 win over the Baltimore Ravens assured them their first win of the season, giving the 1976 Buccaneers a huge break, as they proudly hold that record. But if the Dolphins really won, the following things must have also happened:

• The sun rose in the south.
• Snow fell up in the Boston area.
• Shaun Alexander gained positive yardage.
• Shaun Alexander caught a football.
• Emmitt Smith, Brian Baldinger, and many other “analysts” grabbed a strong command of the English language.
• Stupid Sideline Reporters won 50 awards for best blog.
• Ford Explorers around the world did not break down.
• Man can breathe without a helmet in outer space.

Out of Frustration

Yes, I’m still upset.