Mario Williams > Reggie Bush > Vince Young > Matt Leinart.
Here we go! Game starts in about 30 minutes.
“What has happened to the Jacksonville?” – The Mike Tirico in the pregame the introductions on the Monday Night Countdown
“Plaxico Berris.” – Emmitt Smith
Tell me Cris Carter didn’t say that Maurice Jones-Drew was the best pound-for-pound player in the league. Just 16 minutes until kickoff.
“Sage Rosenfels is the kind of guy who’s gonna be a late bloomer.” – Steve Young via JFein
The only team that wants this man to start for the Texans is the Indianapolis Colts.
Steve Young: Houston
Emmitt Smith: Houston
Stuart Scott: Jacksonville
Mike Ditka: Houston
Keyshawn Johnson: Jacksonville
Cris Carter: Houston
Tom Jackson: Houston
Chris Berman: Houston
“I’d like to take Pittsburgh, but since they aren’t playing, I’ll take Houston.” – Mike Ditka
Too funny. Aaaaaand here is MNF Launch! This crowd is absolutely pathetic, they’re 4-7 but come on, there are wayyyyy too many empty seats.
“The roof is open because of the storm.” – Mike Tirico (JFein)
That was so vague and lacking any specifics even though I know it was due to Hurricane Ike.
“Houston’s QBs have combined to throw 17 interceptions in just 11 games. GACK!” – Kornheiser
What the heck was that?
We are underway! Davis takes the ball to the 31 yard line and out comes the Texans offense with Sage Rosenfels at the helm. A QB rollout and he finds Andre Johnson for 13 and a first down! Another pass on an empty backfield and it’s behind Owen Daniels. Steve Slaton gets his first carry, stays on his feet and heads down the sidelines and stiff arms Rashean Mathis to the Jaguars 42!!! Slaton is down for th….no he keeps moving and gets 7!!! That’s Adrian Peterson like. Slaton on the pass out in the flat and makes a nice open field move on Brian Williams to the 31 for the first down.
Play-action for Rosenfels and Andre Johnson is open, he turns and gets past Mathis for the TOUCHDOWN!!! For some reason the pylon is way outside of the end zone stripe but that doesn’t matter. 7-0 Texans and Jaws just called Rashean Mathis, “Rashean Davis” before correcting himself. We’re in for it tonight.
“Let me just say that these uniforms make the Texans look like Ketchup bottles.” – Kornheiser Bad Joke #4646363
Montell Owens gets to the 22 and the Jags offense is already going backwards with a false start. It’s 1st and 15 at the 17 yard line, Fred Taylor goes nowhere and Xavier Adibi gets the tackle. Oh look, another false start!! It’s 2nd and 20 and MJD gets a gain of 4 up the middle. Garrard gets blitzed on 3rd and 16 and Garrard throws it high of MJD on the screen. A 3 and out and the Jags look bad. Weatherford punts it away and Jacobi Jones makes the fair catch at their own 46.
Texans 7 Jaguars 0 with 9:56 left in the quarter
“Del Rio’s got a hot leather jacket on.” – Kornheiser
Rosenfels is under pressure and nearly gets picked just trying to throw the ball away.
Rosenfels on the quick pass and it’s PICKED OFF!!! RASHEAN MATHIS!!!!! That man is just an interception machine and it took only 17 seconds for the Texans to give the ball right back with 9:39 left in the 1st.
“18 interceptions in 12 games, on pace for 600.” – Kornheiser
“Who does your math?” – Jaws
When did J.T. O’Sullivan replace Sage Rosenfels as the Texans QB. – 49er16
JT wouldn’t have gotten the snap off correctly.
Ball at the Houston 44.
PICKED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! JACQUES REEVES GETS THE INTERCEPTION!!!! Texans at the 48 of Jacksonville.
Slaton to the 35 for another first down. He gets just 1 on 1st down and Henderson makes the tackle. On 2nd down Rosenfels finds Owen Daniels on the crossing route to the 20 yard line. Andre Johnson drops one.
“I love when receivers catch the balls with their hands.” – Jaws
2nd and 10, handoff to Slaton who had no room and gets no gain. 3rd and 10 and Rosenfels is hit as the throws on the blitz and it’s incomplete, and it’s field goal time.
Kris Brown from 37 yards……and drills it!!! Texans 10 Jaguars 0 with 6:29 left in the 1st
Owens fumbles the ball, picks it up and is down at the 18. What is wrong with this team?
Hey! Actual offense from Jacksonville with a gain of 8 from MJD. On 2nd and 2 MJD goes nowhere even with a 2nd effort and 3rd effort. It’s 3rd and short and the sneak it for the first down.
FUMBLE!!!!! MJD FUMBLES!!!! TEXANS BALL!!!
Jaws says “penetration” 3 times….ugh.
1st and 10 at the Jaguars 28, and they go for the end zone……too far for Andre Johnson. Wildcat!!! I’m getting tired of this, Jacobi Jones stopped for a loss of 5. 3rd and 15, dropped!! David Anderson can’t hang on and we’ve got a penalty marker. Anderson with a PI call, so it’s 3rd and 25 and that knocks them out of FG range. They run a screen play but punt it instead of go for the field goal so they take the delay of game. Lame.
“You can’t assign [the delay of game] to the punter!” – Mike Tirico
Turk punts it and it goes into the end…..the ball never goes into the end zone and Andre Davis downs it at the 1 yard line!! That’s what the refs call and Del Rio challenges it. Tough call but I think the ball just touched the end zone on one of the bounces.
Texans 10 Jaguars 0 with 1:44 in the 1st quarter
Scott Green says the play stands as called and the Jags are down at the 1. MJD gets breathing room for a gain of 3. The Texans just let the Jaguars run their way out of trouble and gets a first down to the 14 yard line. Fred Taylor gets stopped at the line of scrimmage and that ends the first quarter with Andre Johnson and Kris Brown supplying the points.
Texans 10 Jaguars 0
“Mine was longer.”-Jaws (via 49er16)
No mine is longer….
Reggie Williams gets the 2nd quarter underway with a gain of 5 on the catch on the sidelines. 3rd and 4 and Matt Jones makes an appearance!!! A gain of 24 and it’s first down at the 44. Fred Taylor catches the ball on the checkdown at midfield with the tackle made by Kevin Bentley (SEAHAWKS!). Taylor gets a couple but I think he’s short of the first. He is, and it’s 3rd and 1……..MJD runs over Jacques Reeves, breaks another tackle and gets to the 36!!! A first down and a big gain, he is just so fun to watch. Aaaaand false start #3 by the penalty machine, Khalif Barnes. Gain of 4 by MJD on 1st and 15, and on 2nd down Garrard escapes Mario Williams and runs out of the pocket and gets 8 before getting popped. Jerry Porter drops a pass (shocker!) and Josh Scobee will come on.
A 43 yarder by Scobee……WIDE RIGHT!!!! NO GOOD!!! 9:56 left in the half and the Jaguars are just a disaster in this game….
Rosenfels rolls out to his right and finds Andre Johnson who drags his 2nd foot and gets a first down. 1st down at their own 44, a blitz and Rosenfels finds Andre Johnson again at midfield for 6. A toss play and a gain of 7 to the Jacksonville 43 for Steve Slaton. The Texans are just moving the ball at will and the dumb mistakes are preventing this from being a blowout. Good play-action fake by Rosenfels rolling out to his right and goes deep for ANDRE DAVIS……good coverage by Reggie Nelson as the ball bounces off Davis’ jersey and incomplete. Kornheiser thinks Sage would’ve run for 30 yards on that rollout…..HYPERBOLE!!!
Slaton on the inside delayed handoff gets just 1 on the left side. Brings up 3rd and 9, make that 3rd and 14 with the false start. Punt time!! On the shotgun play Rosenfels looks for Davis in the seam and throws it over his head. Dennis Northcutt is still alive and calls fair catch at the 16.
Texans 10 Jags 0 with 6:27 to go in the half
Dennis Northcutt gets 5 on the pass and Fred Taylor bursts into the secondary to the 42 yard line!! Poorly designed screen to MJD and they lose 2 yards. 2nd and 12 at the 40 and they run a draw play and MJD gets to the 47 yard line. BLITZ!!! SACK!!!! MARIO WILLIAMS WITH THE PLAY!!!! Punt time!
Fair catch by Jones at the 23 with 3:03 left.
I’m just about sick of the Plaxico Burress story. This is getting more coverage than Matt Jones cutting up cocaine…such nonsense.
Slaton gets 4 yards on 1st down…..T.O mention…Ocho Cinco mention, Plaxico mention…ugh. The Jags make Kevin Walter look like a hall of famer as he breaks a tackle and heads towards the Jaguars 43. Rosenfels beats the 2 minute warning and gets smacked by Brian Williams…..out of bounds though, 15 yard penalty and the Texans are at the 25 as we reach the 2 minute warning.
Ooooh goody an important guest!!!
Am I the only one who thinks that the Thursday Night Football commercials are completely ridiculous and downright laughable? – Jfein
No you are not, they are lamer when the team matchups suck as well.
At the 25, Rosenfels finds Slaton at the 21 for a gain of 4. Flag….on the Jaguars, illegal contact, and it’s BRIAN WILLIAMS!!!!!! YIPPEE!!!! He’s having a terrible half, and that is such a soft penalty. Scott Green must have the over on penalties (ZING!).
Automatic first down, Rosenfels finds Driesen (who?) and Sensabaugh drills him but they give him the first down.
Still excited over the important guest, Mookie? – JFein
I am giddy! Yeah….
Will Ferrell movies are getting progressively worse.
Rosenfels threw one right to Brian Williams who knocks it down….that was just a horrible pass. 2nd and goal, Andre Johnson gets no gain as the Jags sniff out that screen pass. Texans wind the clock down and call timeout, don’t want the Jags to score (although the Jags are doing their best to not score).
3rd and goal, Rosengels has Johnson…..so basically they threw a 7 yard pass that was telegraphed and end up with no touchdown. That’s why these teams are 4-7. Timeout Jags with :33 left.
Brown with the chippy…….BAD SNAP!!!!! FUMBLED BY ROMO TURK!!!!! It’s a scramble play, throws it to the end zone!!! INCOMPLETE!!! It was a terrible snap, the flag is for an illegal man downfield and I think this game may just end 10-0.
Halftime in Houston.
Texans 10 Jaguars 0……sloppy football yet mildly entertaining, see you in the 2nd half thread. The guest is Drew Rosenhaus……ugh. Bye bye.