The Solution is Simple

First posted at Field Gulls

Forget Matt Hasselbeck, forget Charlie Whitehurst, forget Zac Robinson, we know who our new QB will be and he’s on our roster. His name? Michael Robinson.

I am just a freaking genius. Just look at the numbers!

Age: 27. Younger than both Whitehurst and Hasselbeck.

Height: 6’1. Drew Brees is 6’0. Our QB is taller than Drew Brees and thus can see over the pass rushers as opposed to Nelson De La Rosa’s twin brother.

Weight: 223 lbs. Decent size for a QB.

College: Penn State. Penn State has a history of excellent QBs. Look no further than Kerry Collins, Todd Blackledge, and Anthony Morelli.


  • Won Big Ten Offensive Player of the Year
  • Finished 5th in Heisman in his senior season
  • Won 2006 Orange Bowl, the same year Matt Hasselbeck lost Super Bowl XL.



Accuracy. A meager 48% completion percentage in college, but he has thrown one NFL pass (incomplete). Robinson has had more passes in the regular season than Charlie Whitehurst has in his whole career, therefore he has the better accuracy as Whitehurst has not done anything in the regular season to merit a measurement of his accuracy. Matt Hasselbeck has been very accurate throwing to his receivers, and by that I mean he’s improving his accuracy throwing to the other team’s DBs and safeties. Advantage Robinson.

Athleticism. Advantage Robinson.

Arm Strength. He’s so fantastic that he didn’t even bother trying to win the scouts over at QB during the combine. Talent this untapped needs to be kept secret. Matt Hasselbeck has a wet noodle for an arm. Charlie Whitehurst can throw the ball pretty far so….Advantage Whitehurst

Mobility. More mobile than Hasselbeck and Whitehurst combined. Advantage Robinson.

Leadership. Michael Robinson went to Penn State and didn’t get arrested or suspended. He holds a B.A in advertising/public relations and another B.A in journalism. Robinson was an academic All-Big Ten member on three different occasions and was a reporter for Penn State basketball for CSTV (which is now CBS College Sports). Just reading that makes you think “leader”. If the NFL decided to have a re-draft and Tim Ruskell was still GM, Robinson would be a first round pick. Advantage Robinson.

Durability. The fact that his arms are still working from blocking on special teams when the 49ers spent minute after minute receiving the ball on kickoffs tells you he’s durable. Advantage Robinson.

Decision Making. Robinson threw 23 touchdowns, 20 interceptions in three years at QB. Charlie Whitehurst threw 49 TDs and 46 interceptions in 4 seasons at Clemson. Robinson has a higher TD/INT ratio than Whitehurst (1.15 to 1.06). Matt Hasselbeck thought this was a good idea. Advantage Robinson.

Versatility. Robinson played QB and WR in college and played fullback and special teams for the 49ers. He’s like a better version of Antwaan Randle-El only more likeable and less Pittsburgh-y. Advantage Robinson.

Chemistry. He knows how to play with Deon Butler more than any other QB on the roster. Advantage Robinson.

Why couldn’t someone think outside the box earlier? I’ve just solved our QB problem in one day and I can’t thank John Schneider and Pete Carroll enough for signing Michael Robinson. We absolutely have to start him instead of Whitehurst because clearly Robinson has more experience, showed better decision making in college, and can play more positions than Whitehurst. Heck, he can be part of a six-man offense where Robinson is the QB, RB, WR, and FB, Russell Okung is the offensive line, Golden Tate is the slot receiver, John Carlson is TE, Justin Forsett is the backup RB, and Deon Butler is whatever he wants to be. All Pete Carroll needs to do is pull the plug on Hasselbeck and insert Robinson, a proven winner, into the starting lineup. Quinton Ganther will assume fullback duties and then this offense will function flawlessly.




2 thoughts on “The Solution is Simple

  1. JFein

    Ah, the days of Michael Robinson, the last time I felt Penn State had a realistic chance of winning a national championship.

  2. Pingback: The Morning Aftermath: San Diego Chargers | Stupid Sideline Reporters

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